Friday, February 20, 2004


Children...

Some people are born to have children and do. Some people have children who were not born to. Then there are those who are born to have children and will have difficulty. It is this last group that I found I may now fall in. I know as of lately I had been torn on if I wanted children or not but when the news came from the doctor that to have children I would have to jump through hoops...it kind of hurt that my choice as a woman was taken away.

Now I do know that I am young and with medical technology I would have many options if I chose to take the path of being a mother. However that still cannot brace you for the pain of knowing that the one thing your body should be able to do it's not going to be easy to do. However today is a new day...and in some ways this opens so many more doors to me. The tall one was not sure if he wanted children either...this allows us to focus on us. This allows us the freedom to travel and do things we want to do. This allows us to spoil children rotten that are not ours and give them back. Or if we chose we could be foster parents as those are parents of the heart not blood. So many different options for us and so today is a little brighter.

|| 6:57 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Wednesday, February 18, 2004


Sorry for my absence....

Hi Blog...sorry that I allowed us to become strangers. I have had so many things going on and yet no true inspiration to share with you. I am sure you are wondering as to what is going on with the waiting game. Well here is an up date.

The tall one and I have talked on the phone once now in the just over two weeks sense we started talking again. That conversation was lovely as he called at 4am and woke me up. I managed to not cry and it was as if we picked up right where we left off as friends. He forgotten how nice it was to hear my voice. The tall one has made gigantic efforts in keeping in touch as we now talk almost daily on the computer to every other day. The longest we have gone with out talking is 2 days...sure beats the communication we had before. I will tell you blog it scares me a little...going for so long with out to "BAM" everything has been a little interesting. However I think things will be just fine in the long run...just have to have faith.

I have had some lovely evenings with friends recently. My friends Jenny and Kenny helped me with making the tall one's Valentines gift. The tall one and I will exchange once he is home...and we have an apx date on that. Lets just say I have never liked April Fools day until now. Lets just hope the Army sense of humor is not as twisted as mine...however that is very highly likely. Anyway back to my friends. I received a nice bonus check that has allowed me some cash to enjoy myself and make my apartment a little more like home.

The couch and love seat will be here soon and everything is shaping up nicely. I have been nesting a lot as well...my goal was to have the apartment done by the time the Tall one gets home. I now realize that it's getting close to that time. Plus my Dad and the whole Colorado Crew are coming in a month. I have to baby proff the apartment for the night as the adorable little brother will be sure to get into EVERYTHING as 19 month olds do. The apartment has this medieval Jungle feel to it...I LOVE IT! I can't wait for everyone to see it. Maybe once the tall one is use to being home I should have the apartment warming party. I mean I have only been living there now 6 months and I am signing the lease again for another year. So I will for sure live in this place two years.

Yes money has been nice this spring. The company I work with gives out an annual bonus...it ended up being close to $300 more than I expected and $400 more than last year. Lets just say that was the reason for the kick off to finish the apartment...oh yeah Tall one helped too in that inspiration. Then my cousin and his lovely girlfriend came over for a nice dinner. I look forward to spending more time with Cousin Mark and girlfriend Erin. They are a sweet fun couple and it's nice as we are the only family either of us has in the area. We are also very much in love with cousin Mark as he did my taxes for me this year. I am getting $500 more than I thought! Woo Hoo...thank god the bills will be paid and the apartment will be done!

Life right now is pretty amazing and I am just grateful and enjoying it. I am trying not to question it and I am trying not to ask "what next." I am working hard on keeping thought processes in positive directions. I need to start buckling down and focusing on what school I want to go to for massage and get that all in a row. As I have slacked on that slightly. I have now decided I want to start in August and I want to go to school here in Madison...now it's a matter of getting all of that to work. It amazes me that we are almost done with February...yes I know it is the short month but still time is flying by quickly.

This reminds me some time this week I need to catch up with Reba, Christine, and Amy....my Madison crew. I need to see Reba's baby girl Jenny...I am sure she is getting big as young babies do. I need to see Christine and catch her up on life in general and see her two most perfect children. I swear to God this woman is raising Angels...so Ryan and Renee give the biggest hugs ever and I am due for hugs from them. I need to see Amy to see how her higher archy of self love is going...so far I hear amazing things on that front. My friend Lara and her boyfriend Nick have now been together for 9 months and I am excited to report things are going well there. They are now living together...with him paying bills! I set the two of them up so I am happy to report that. Lara and I had dinner last Thursday night and it was wonderful.

Oh totally cool news is I am going to see Bare Naked Ladies on March 24th after the family leaves to go back to Colorado! Woo Hoo that will be a blast as I get to see Alexis and have fun there. I just can't believe how time flies when your having fun! This is another reason for the lack of up date. Well I will try to be better on that but I must go for now. See you soon blog!

|| 2:07 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Tuesday, February 03, 2004


The game....

Well an up date to the waiting game. He has proven that he can fallow the throw of the gaunlett. A reminder of that the gaunlett was...I told him that I would be open to talking about his email...just not on the computer. With in 24 hours of responding to his long email telling him he needed to call. I received two emails and managed a 3 hour long conversation via instant messenger. He said that the three hour conversation is not replacing the phone call but in addition to it. He wants to step up communication. So I guess I am still playing the waiting game but I am happy to see that he is making major progress towards the relationship and making it work.

Tonight is going to be another short post...I will post more later this week to let you know how the waiting game is going.

|| 11:08 PM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Sunday, February 01, 2004


Waiting game...

With you it's always been a waiting game. I knew I would have to watch your growing pains for you to change into the man I knew you would be. I saw a glimpse of it today in an email you sent...my question and challenge to you is can you prove your words. Now I wait to see if you pass the first test...will you call? I have a feeling you will as your words came from the heart...now that the door is open some are you ready for what is ahead of you? I have prepared a list of challenges for both of us to consider to make this work.

Now we play...the waiting game.

|| 5:01 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)