Monday, April 26, 2004


Sick...
Ok so my eating habbits have caught up with me this week as I majorly majorly slacked. So I am home in bed with stomach problems and a slight fever. I don't know why I do it to myself I should know bettter than to eat motz sticks...ugg cheese and me it's a love hate relationship I tell you! However I think it was more than just that...poor Dream Boat almost heard me puke several times on the phone...I was lucky he did not. Ok back to bed for more rest.

|| 7:49 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Sunday, April 25, 2004


Deep thoughts...

Tonight I am dog tired. I had an abosultely amazing evenings with an old boyfriend from highschool and his wife last night. To be honest I have been spending a lot of time with the two of them and thier girls. I don't even feel like he is my ex but just a great friend. By the time we got home from the club and I got done talking with Dream Boat I had been awake for 23 hours with a few drinks in my system. So I was able to sleep some but woke up needing to shower as I still smelled of the club. I did manage to get back to sleep but I know work is not going by fast enough because of my night of fun. I am sitting here half dreaming of my bed and it's amazing pillows.

Things with DB and I are going well...I do see a few speed bumps in the road but we will see if they will bottom out the car or if we can just get over them just fine. However I am still smitten and things do seam as if they are going well. He will be here in June as I believe I had said and things look very promissing.

Due to illness this week my work outs have been limited and food well...I eat when I can and then when I can I seam to eat a lot. I will get myself back on things tomorrow evening...as well I have some goals in mind. I can feel the tiredness from not working out and not eating/drinking water as much.

Now that I think about it...my deep thoughts have now escaped my mind and have become the blank void. That is good due to I think about things just way too much and I need to stop. I just feel like I should just stop caring but I think that is because as I said I am dog tired. Ok I am going to go before I start fully rambling in my own blog...that would be sad.

|| 4:35 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Friday, April 16, 2004


Far off lands and phone bills.

Well to start off the weight loss is still going well. I have cheated a few times but I am doing well. Still doing a lot of walking and drinking water...today my friend and I walked 2 and a half miles in 82 degree weather. It was a nice walk as we got some good sweating in! Then the joy of being 2 and discovering bubbles was our reward for a good walk. My friend and I got to show her 2 year old daughter what bubbles where. I think Mom and I had more fun than the 2 year old. My friend also noticed that I am lossing already and well that I am much happier. So far those were my goals with the walking and exersize.

I also had a lovely girls night with a different friend of mine this past Wednesday. I made home made low fat alfredo and we watched Something's Got to Give...a great movie! We just relaxed as well she is a teacher and on spring break! I do my job to help the young minds of the country...I keep the ones that teach them sane! Not to mention the weather for both days of activities has been amazing....personaly if summer stayed like this I could handel it...I don't want it to get much warmer as this is as warm as I like it.

Well....there is news on the love front. I did not think this type of news would be reported this quickly after the tall one left my life. However with in days of the tall one leaving dream boat started emailing. DB as I will call him for short has been emailing almost every day and each day telling me how much I am on his mind. Plus he has called me 2 times...from GREECE and three hours each phone call! Yes DB is in the Navy and stationed in Greece currently. He is 30 years old...he has been divorced for 2 years now and has a 9 year old sweetheart of a daughter. When you ask for something in the universe...it will happen just not in the time frame you want it to. Sometimes when you want it to happen now...it may take a few years. Sometimes when you want it to take a few years...it happens now. I can't say I was looking for it as well I stumbled into it. However I have never met a sweeter man who I have so much in common with. Plus that Texan accent is a very sweet sweet voice to listen to. Not to mention...the sweet Texan laid back personality that goes with it. So we are taking a day at a time but this is going very nicely. DB also wants to come and vist me when he is on leave in June....this has lots of promiss to it however I am not going to run before I walk.

On not so fun front...the Tall one still has yet to give me my stuff back. It's starting to get to me but hopefully it will be soon. I am moving forward no matter what but I would like that closure. Oh well can't always controll things....that's ok. That's the news for now...I will keep you posted.

|| 9:53 PM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Monday, April 12, 2004


New beginnings....with rainbows!

Well in my last entire I talked about the weather...the emotional weather. Well even though it rained that rain has nourished my soul and a beautiful rainbow has appeared. Saying goodbye to the tall one was better for my spirit than I thought. I cannot say I hate the man as it's just life's growing pains that he needs to experience. However I am angry at the way he treated me as a friend and more....time will heal that and I will forgive him down the road. However he is no longer in my life. I have come to know that my love for him brought out the best in me and the worst in me....I don't care for that any more and welcome back peace! I bless him with love and a good life...I release him in love so that I can move forward in love.

When I released the tall one in love...which was almost instantly I found something amazing. I found my heart! Then I found a personal ad! Yes thanks to the encouragement of my co workers I changed the personal ad on one web site from searching for pen pals to searching for a committed relationship. I am getting a few responses from it and it's nice. There is a Sailor right now that has caught my eye...and I his! We have a lovely dialog going back and forth via email and I just can't shake this wonderful feeling I have. As my mother says..."Girl you just know how to manifest what you want." I did...he is everything I have been asking for so far.

I have my guard up some but you know what...you live once and you better live every moment to the fullest. This man is older than I and has the experience of one marriage under his belt that produced a lovely 9 year old daughter. Now I find myself in unframilar turf four a couple reasons. Reason one is that I normally date men younger than myself....could be what keeps me falling in the black holes of my life. Reason two is I never dated a man who has a child before. I find myself totally interested and in some ways very excited as I am a step daughter and I think this will help my experience with his daughter. It is very early and maybe too early to tell but I just cannot sake this fun feeling I have. It also helps that my friends are really encouraging me on this one....after dating the tall one I need that. I am finding out just how many of my friends disliked and distrusted the tall one. I have decided the next man I date seriously...my friends and family will be involved in the picking out process. I want their total support as that is very important in a relationship. So right now I am very happy.

Oh yes and I have started to loose a few lbs. I started a new walking/moving program and cutting out soda and only eating smaller portions of food. So far soo good....I find that I want to cheat already during the first few weeks but I will not let myself. I keep telling myself if you can get through a month with out cheating then you can have a small break. I am finding it is a lot easier to do this than I thought...I guess I found will power. I have found with this new program I put myself on that my sleep has improved greatly and I have a lot more engergy. Also mental health has improved 10 fold.

So life is good....now I just need to get my stuff back from the tall one and then everything will be perfect! Life is so very sweet, brite, and colorful these days.

|| 2:03 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Saturday, April 03, 2004


When it rains...it sure does pour!

So lets just say the weather forcast this week for my home state was better than my life. The tall one's home comming was well...eventful. Lets just say not enough had changed for me to say stay and lets work on it. I would have continued to do all the working for what...an asshole who needs to grow up. He wanted changes from physicall weight loss to personality changes. As much as it hurt to do so I kicked him out of my life. I know I am worth more than what he was giving. Just because one person ends things...does not make it any easier on that person. I have gone through the various stages of emotions however I know life will bounce back.

However it's given me even more motivation to get my butt in shape and get healthy. See a few weeks before he was home I was turning down the volume on my tv and got out of breath. It is then that I relised I needed to get into shape and so his request to loose weight was not that hard on me. However his request for me to stop planning things was. It did not help that he was not ready to work towards marriage either. See I am...I am ready for my adult relationship and so I said let me get your things and get you out of my life. I said no we will not be friends and that hurt him but it's what I needed to do for me.

My friend Kim and I started walking on Thursday. We are going to walk three days a week and do various exercising if we can't walk. We just started thinking that her and I both needed to start moving 20 minutes every three days and get out of the house for both our mental health and physical health. Then I also chose to do 20 minutes of sit ups and leg lifts when I am not over at Kim's house. I am just bound to try to get more into shape for my health.

Then tonight the other part to it rain's it pours is my luck with my car is starting to run out. Yes Mr Police officer pulled me over to remind me tonight I have unfinished buiness to take care of. He was cute and single so after I take care of some stuff I might have to find a way to ask him out for coffee. I was late for work and that sucked and it did not help that this happened this week but you know what...that just means next week there will be a rainbow somewhere. Ugg can't wait to be out of debt.

|| 8:47 PM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)