Saturday, May 22, 2004


Update...

Well it's been some time sense I posted any real thoughts. First of all thank you for those who fallowed the test I was greatful to see who comes and reads these thoughts.

This last week has been the week from hell. Basicly I had a pregnant parking ticket that turned into a $600 mess that I fixed this week through court. However just as I get myself out of that jam I end up in a different jam/fight. The cell phone bill came and lets just say I knew it was going to be high this month but not that high. I am currently at odds with the cell phone company in disputing it and in the process they have broken some Privacy Act laws. So this is becoming an interesting fight.

Those two things were on Monday and Tuesday thus causing me not to get a lot of sleep. If you don't remember I work 3rd shift and I work Saturday through Tuesday nights so I was working on very little sleep this week for even when I did get to sleep I was having nightmares. Monday night at work I get a fatality call...where I work we take claims for car accidents. This call happened to result in someone dying. Then Tuesday night I had two really hell type calls....just thought Wow what a way to end the work week and start the weekend. Well instead of walking on Wednesday with my friend we both had other things to do. I ended up finishing a book I had been reading at work. I am glad I finished it at home due to the last 150 pages or so had a twist that triggered old family memories. Thus leading me to cry for the rest of Wed morning.

I was able to get a four hour nap before the tall one picked me up for dinner. We are working on our friendship and even that was hard this week. I was greatful he was not pushing buttons but it lead to a very quiet dinner. Then at Block Buster I started to have a few black out spells. Lucky when I got home and got some water into my system I was fine. I went to bed fairly early that night after J left. We watched American Wedding and it made me laugh so that was a good thing.

After a few phone calls on Thursday I just slept...it was as if my body is catching up on the rest of life. My apt with the therapist was on Friday but I missed it due to they put both this week's apt and next weeks apt on the same card. This week was at 11am and next week was at 1pm. I thought it was the other way around...god I am sick of flaking out. Lucky for me they are not going to charge me for the apt. However not long after that I found out my grandfather who I am not really close with has less than a week to live. Storms in the area prevented me from driving up to see him but I did talk to him on the phone. In some ways if this was the only thing that happened this week I think I would be fine but I am not. I then spent Friday night crying my eyes out. I really would just like to call in Dead this week...just beat grandpa to the grave. Now for my readers...please know I won't do that I just need to get this crap out.

It does not help that I have been battling with depression for several weeks. I am sure like a phoenix I will rise up from the ash....just give me time to do so.

|| 6:42 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Sunday, May 09, 2004


A test...

Today is not going to be a long post...as I don't feel the need to update until next week when my soul searching has gone through more of it's begining phases. This is the test....I don't feel like adding a counter to my blog but I would be intersted in seeing who reads my blog. So please take this test!

I know people don't like to always make comments on other's emotions so all that I am asking with this test is that you please take two minutes to click the comments section on my page and tell me a few things....two things to be exact. I would like to just know the first name and location of people who read my blog. If you feel the urge to put anything else about yourself or kind comments about my wacked out thoughts, that is fine and wonderful as well. However all I am asking with this test is for a name and location. The test for me is like putting a map on the wall and putting push pins in that map to where my thoughts reach. Let me give you an Example...Natalie/Wisconsin that is me! Where are you?

|| 5:11 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)

Monday, May 03, 2004


Post monitor...

Apparently my friends are post monitoring me and getting on my butt for when I don't post! :-P Well here is my post.

I happen to be in a slight pissy ass mood this morning. Mostly the Tall Asshole still manages to affect my life. Today as I am leaving work one of my co workers asks if we got back together again or if I have heard from him. Ooops she has not been at work lately to find out about Dream Boat! So I inform her that we have broken up, that she remembers, and that I am seeing Dream Boat. She was happy to hear of my good news....however then continues to mention a few things about Tall Asshole.

Well apparently where we work they have been notified of his return to the CONUS however he has not notified work that he is back. Part of me was thankful for this piece of info because I was slightly wondering yet the other part of me is like "I don't know anything about him stop asking me!"

Yes a lot of people keep coming up to me and asking about him. Mostly people who I don't see on a regular baises and so I polietly smile and say "Nope I know nothing, we broke up and I am seeing someone new." So I am at a cross roads...half of me wants to email him and tell him "hey deal with this I am sick of dealing with your shit." The other part knows to leave it alone. I just don't want to be walking down the hall and see him...I know that is why my mind is going "if you contact first he can't get the upper hand." Mind you I think he occtionally still does and that pisses me off. I don't think it's fair to Dream Boat either. I mean for when someone asks me about him or mentions his name I get in a tizzy. It's getting less and less as time goes by and the further away from me he is. Maybe part of me wants to see him miserable with out me and to have him see how wonderful I am doing with out him. However the other part of me wants him never to come back to work....that is the bigger part of me. Maybe knowing he has turned in his two weeks or knowing he has been terminated would be the final closed door...the one that 100% lets me move forward. Don't get me wrong...I am moving forward it's just hard.

Today does not help that I have been getting crap for sleep due to the damn bongo playing idots that live next door. Plus it's been a few days sense I have heard from Dream Boat and well I would just like to hear from him...I could use the extra bit of encouragement. There was one other good thing to vent about...however due to lack fo sleep and lack of food it's sliped my mind. That's ok just means it's time for bed.

|| 6:51 AM ||

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction. (Marya Mannes)